in doubt

year 3! never have this feeling before. dragging myself to school just because it important?
first time i feel so so so lousy. was on the bus on the way to school, reaching sim soon, abt to alight at sim busstop. my mind is having spiritual battle.

95% of my mind is telling me not to go to school.
the rest of the 5% said i have to go to school, i don have a choice at all.
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY DRAGGED MY BODY TO SCHOOL
how horrible is it? how lousy is it?

Changing of my class is a unwelcomed plan for me.
though ppl do have to adapt to changes but why is it now?
left with just half a year or 4 mths to go before go for my prcp and i have to get used to the environment again. trying to cope with my heavy workload from studies.
and i hate 12 may!
Immunology class test, nurm exam and fyp individual lit review that i have to hand in on the same day! plus im going for data collection on wed.

year3 modules is so heavy. so what if i manage to even study everyday?
by the time i get home and prepare for the nxt day class,i don even have the time to revise for that day lesson. what more if i have to do projects and fyp?

nursing stress? yes i do.
i did doubted myself ytd whether am i really suitable to be a staff nurse a not.
thoughts of coming to poly to get a dip and etc, plus the heavy responsiblility of a staff nurse job...

Yes i know i cant get anywhere if i dont have at least a diploma.
Yes, i want to be a wound nurse and a pallative nurse. that's my aim.

the reason of why i choose to go the path that i wan (nursing in ite) rather thn choosing any course in poly is because of my interest, my passion.
And coz of it, im happy.
Actually, though Enrolled Nurse is a so called "dirty job" but bedside nursing is what i wanted actually.

Can i say that i don like staff nurse job at all? as in the job scope. I don like it at all.
can i just be a simple me? a simple nurse who enjoy her job instead of facing each day with stress and carry heavy responsiblilties upon my shoulder?

i hate pharmacology and i hate report/documentation.

Everyday go to school for lesson, sitting in class, listening to what the lecturers say.
making me feel so stress and doubtful about myself and abilities to be a good staff nurse.