i cant recognise myself. who am i?

what the craps am i doing? hit the peak last week.
i can really sense that my blood pressure is high to the point whereby i might get stroke.
stress? wat do i stress abt? why? its not that im PMS.
im starting to lose my temper with my close friends, getting super sensitive about what they said. or u can say im utimately irritated to the max.
i just don wan to talk to them, coz of what they said earlier.
though they don mean it, but i really think negative when they said it.
they are my close friends yet..... why???????
starting to lose my rational.
WHO AM I??

i really wanted to spend time alone.
ppl only know how to say " don stress lah don stress. some just donnoe say why stress, it's very easy mah. see what you heart say loh. and bleah." don u know how irritated am i?"
honestly, i don need your suggestions or advise.
stop standing at your view to advise. coz u wouldnt understand since u don even care to listen for that very few minutes. interruption of speech turns ppl OFF.
just sit there and listen. FULL STOP.
don add those phrases that don mean to be sarcastic but it sounds sarcastic to me.
when u are at the peak, nothing you heard is good.
furthermore; who wanna be stress?
stress is just a moment of emotions and it take some time to cool down and think.
just don talk during that "cool down period".

DO u have enough time to spend with ur loved ones?
NO! i yearning for more time. squeezing here and there. trying.
but ppl see only; "i will try, 50t%50%'
But don see the whole picture.
"do what your heart say loh loh, U come lah lah, prioritize. U need to prioritze."

first thing first. i havent spend time with my sisters for how long liao since im living in sengkang.
why friday die die also wan me to go? its my morning shift and im going back to cck!"
go the the talk (though its good), tell me what time go home? next day camp? 2 days camps okies. thn? next monday attachment morning. thn go back camp again. and thn?

WHO IS NOT TIRED?? WHO WHO WHO???
do u guys ever think? my welfare?
if im tired, no matter where u wan me to go or what u wan me to go, i will collapse.
thn u will tell me "likhoon, don emo leh. come lah talk. "
how to reply?

alright. my egocentric now.
coz my hierarchy of basis needs is not even met.

im disappointed.
disappointed with myself and things
last week cell group last kairos meeting
i prayed "sinner prayer" with zhenyi in BBSS lah, how i actually keep asking fiona to come lah, christine lah, choon yan lah..... lilin lah.. those ex-meh meh. who is already not my meh meh..
as well as those xiao joshua, xiao keith lah..
talking and forcing jacelyn to do qt.

i still rmb yuting told me few years back that im the one who share christ with her.
still got xueli and Yuityeng..

my ex cellgroup rowl..
my gb clings

it's so hurting and emotional to think abt them.
times that i invested. well, i donnoe lah..

why do i have so much time last time to do all these?
why now no?

they said choose and manage ur time.
i didnt? i plan, i put in schedule.
but"?
if time allows, i will invest in them again...... ...
haix.

its gonna be a "good" year 3 for me
i will be busy to the max

i keep on asking " will u come and send me off?"
but, actually...
no need lah.. everyone is busy.